If you find yourself unsure if God could have a use for you or if you could have an impact on people for God’s glory know that God does have a plan for you. Sometimes (okay most of the time) God’s plan is unlike this perfect goal oriented plan we have set before ourselves.
If your “perfect” plan gets messed up consider yourself blessed. God will direct your path!
“In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:6
One time my perfect plan was terribly messed up. It was no accident and it appeared like I was the star guest on the Jerry Springer show. I’m not exaggerating either. At the time I was married with the cutest little boy a Mama could wish for and we lived in Hawaii. Could this perfect plan be more perfect? I mean seriously, we practically lived at the beach. I would spend my lunch at the beach with my son who at the time was 2 years old and we would do whatever we wanted. His Dad was away for “business” so we had fun seeing the island, going to luau’s with family and friends that came to town. We played tourists without having to pay outrageous hotel and food costs. Our backyard was peaceful and I could sit outside with the palm trees, looking up at the stars wondering, asking God how did I get this lucky?
BUT…God had something else in mind.
Being a Marine Corps family you learn to deal with a lot of things that were going on (such as death on the battlefield), so these other things seemed manageable. I thought our lives were perfect. Little did I know God has some unveiling that needed to happen. God allowed this unveiling to happen so quickly and harshly that I could barely breathe enough to decide if I was angry or just heartbroken. One day we are planning our future and then next he is asking for a divorce. He said he tricked me into believing that he liked all the writer’s that I liked. He tricked me into believing that he was a strong Christian but now he didn’t believe that anymore. He said he didn’t want a family anymore. He just wanted us to go.
I was living out my greatest nightmare, to be left…to be rejected again.
Here I was in the most beautiful place on earth and yet my life was a wretched mess. In this time I fell to my knees and asked God to teach me to forgive. I knew I could not forgive all by myself. I have Italian blood surging through these veins and I needed help that only the Lord can give. I found myself in a pit of despair and I needed a serious rescue.
In this time God directed me to read the entire book of Psalms. And I didn’t just read it once. I would read it every single day out loud until my voice was too weak to go on. It was in these words that my heart could break the way it needed to in order for the Lord to heal me the way he needed to.
The craziness of all things that come with a divorce didn’t stop but my eyes were locked onto Jesus. It did not matter what craziness was going on in my life because the Lord was with me every step of the way. He provided for my son and I when we had nothing. God created miracles that no one could really believe. People would tell me how bad life would be and it didn’t matter because my eyes were on Jesus. He is the only thing I needed to focus on. The Lord paved the way to get us here to Colorado and provided us with a home and a great job so I am able to provide for my sweet boy who is now almost 7 years old.
We have a great church and an excellent small group who are my true brothers and sisters. I’ve learned to love God with my whole heart and without worrying what others think of me. That has produced a deeper faith with the Lord and He has been calling me to greater things.
So even though my “perfect” goal oriented plan didn’t work out, God has shown me the better path. And the best part of this is that He’s not done with me yet. I know God is not done with you either!
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” -Philippians 1:6