Today Isaac and I tried out a new church. It is a very large church for our area so I was surrounded by a lot of people but honestly I have never felt so alone.
Moving 3,000+ miles to our current home has been some what of a culture shock. We lived on an island that felt more like an isolated Asian country far removed from the average American life. It was a culture shock when we moved to that island and now I’m experiencing another culture shock. It’s weird I cannot just go get some of my favorite Pho Ga on a rainy day. It’s also weird that everyone I talk to speaks English as their first language.
I sometimes feel alone because I don’t have friends here yet. Other times I feel so alone within the body of Christ. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s especially hard to explain when people notice how much I stand out in their community and they know I’m not from here. I don’t fit in a nice little package of what a nice Christian woman is. I have my own style and I’m not about conforming to fashion in order to fit in. God made me different, very different. Both in the Spiritual/Intellectual and Fashion sense.
Honestly, my home is technically I suppose where I was born (Michigan) but that does not feel like home either. It never really has. I always felt like the black sheep of the family. One of my Aunts has wanted me to come home and get into a normal life routine but in actuality that will never happen. You can’t cage a bird who wants, who NEEDS to fly.
Societies view of normal was not my idea of normal. I didn’t like the “normal” I saw so I wanted to created my own normal.
People think I am crazy for following my heart but I don’t care at this point. I’d rather be seen as crazy but have a purposeful life given to me by God than to live a stagnant life that leads to unhappiness, discontentment, and pretty much living in the Flesh as stated in Galatians 5.